Hatred and Forgiveness

Every negative thought and emotion secretes acid in your body, and the same acid destroys the vessel which contains it. Negative emotions like anger, frustration and disappointment are visiting emotions. The only consolation is that they rise in you when some event occurs and then they die once you are distracted to some other event.

Hatred does not die like this, it is a progressive negative emotion. It gains depth with the passage of time. The more you process your hurt or tend your hurt, the more you deepen your hatred, the more acid is released in your system. It remains as a lingering background. In fact, the hurt you suffered from the event is insignificant compared to how much you keep intensifying the hurt by repeatedly reprocessing and tending whatever has already had happened. Hatred takes you away from your real self. You cease to feel, think and act as yourself. The "hated" now becomes the hero of your mind and heart, literally controlling your feelings, thinking and actions, although remotely. Buddha says - "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

The irony is that only the "hatred" is oblivious reason to all this. When you forgive the hated, the forgiveness is not liberating him from you, but it is liberating you yourself from the hated person. Nothing deserves a disturbing presence within you. Let go the disturbance within you and let you be in peace. When Peter went up to Jesus Christ and said - "Lord, how often must I forgive my brother if he wrongs me?" Jesus said - "As often as seven times? Not seven, I tell you, but seventy times seven times."

 It is said - "To err is human, to forgive is divine." All human beings are susceptible to mistakes. The inadequacies of human beings are part of His design. That is how it is meant to be. People make mistakes and learn out of them. Wrong doings are a matter of self-realization, but not all men are evolved enough to be objective in judging themselves, and "wrong" will continue to emanate from them. Haven't you noticed it on the road that the other driver always thinks that you were wrong, and gives you a stare? [You also think in the same way] No human being is perfect. Man can at their best strive towards perfection, but can never become flawless. People do what they think right to do, because at that point of time only that action seems right to them whatever they are doing. Otherwise also "wrong" is seldom intentional. Nobody wants to do any wrong intentionally. Even if there is any wrong action, it is often either out of ignorance, or because they thought that it was a correct action. They do not know that they do not know or they are ignorant. The simple logic - if they knew that their that action was wrong, why should they do it? Nobody wants to do anything wrong to anybody.

And, that is why you can never make sense to that man against his Will. Whatever you may say, he will still have the last "say" justifying his own actions. And that is right, because he thinks in that way. That is why, for most of the people who commit wrong, whoever points out at their mistakes, will always be mistaken.

When the same wrong is committed by some other person, it affects you, you get hurt. Your non-acceptance of that person and the situation that is affecting you, both turns your hurt into hatred towards him. If you keep continue intensifying your hatred towards him and decide on an eye-for-an-eye reaction, it becomes revenge. One negative emotion cascades into yet another negative emotion - from hatred to revenge. Thus you will be progressively pressing your self-destructive button. Save yourself from yourself, much more than saving yourself from others.

Let nothing that happens outside of you cause a blemish inside of you. Buddha prophesized - "Hatred is never ended by hatred, but by love." People need your love much more when they are wrong than when they are right. Think only good even to those who have not been good to you. Live your own character, not others, no matter what happens. Every man faces the consequences of his own doing, not of others. There is a very good story about this. Two people were arguing on some matter. In the heat of arguments, A hit B. B also hit A. Both indulged in fighting with each other. Somehow a third person C intervened and separated them. When their time came they died and came to Yam Raaj. Yam Raaj asked his accountant the account of the person B's actions. Among other actions, the accountant pointed out that he hit A, for which he should be punished. B said - "I hit him only when he hit me." Yam Raaj said - "I am not asking you when did you hit him, I am just saying that you hit him. Answer me Yes or No." B said hanging his head down - "yes". Yam Raaj then explained him - "Here we judge the individual on his own actions, so you will have to suffer or enjoy only for your actions, not for others actions. Whatever you have done you will get its fruits and whatever any other person has done, he will enjoy his own Karm's fruits. Because you hit him that is why you will have to bear its fruit. If he had hit you, he will bear his own Karm fruit, do not worry, he will have to." Thus everybody faces the consequences of his own actions, not of others.

You yourself must not do anything wrong to prove the other wrong. It is not in your favor. Give up your desire to prove the other wrong by doing wrong. It changes nothing in your life towards good, but it rather takes it towards worse - and that is not your goal. Your goal of life is to become better day by day. So do not try to prove that you have been victimized. That is not going to make your life better. Something had happened to teach you something, learn the lessons and just move on on a better path. Let Him take over the game from here.

Sushma Gupta
www.sushmajee.com